Hey girls,

I'm new here and this is my first entry. I've been anorexic since the age of 16 and I am currently 22 years old studying 5th year medicine at UNSW. I don't think my eating disorder can be classified solely as anorexia as I've  been through various stages ranging from bulimia (vomiting and taking laxatives and vigorous exercise) to chewing and spitting. My lowest weight was 34.5 kg which was in May 2007. My parents were contemplating to admit me to a hospital as I was severely underweight and they were terrified that I might collapse considering that I exercise strenuously everyday. I have been to 3 psychiatrists and 2 psychologists but neither of them has managed to turn my mind around. I have stopped seeing either of them as I felt it was a complete waste of time and money.

I recently engaged in 'chewing and spitting' not realising that the behaviour  for approximately 6 months resulted in harsh consequences. Despite, once believing that one does not absorb any calories I actually piled on some pounds. Trust me, do not ever start this...its a nasty habit that is very uncontrollable and after awhile your body starts absorbing the calories even though being a medical student, I learned that most food is absorbed in the small intestine although digestion does start in the mouth by the action of enzymes like amylase. Luckily, I have managed to stop this horrible habit and I have lost weight again although I have not stepped on a scale yet as I am terrified of the number. I estimate my weight to be around 42kg judging by the way my clothes hang on me.

I desperately need to get back down to 39 kg at the very least or even lower. I never intended to put on weight in the first place. To me, my eating disorder is not so much a vanity reason but looks does play a crucial part. I believe that I always had low self-esteem and my eating disorder was a way of gaining control and providing me with assurance that at least I could control what goes in and out of my body. Its something that I'm not exactly proud of and yes, as the weight melts away, it gets harder to disguise the fact that you are suffering from anorexia. Right now, my daily intake is around 400 calories and I exercise everyday in the gym or playing tennis. I'm hoping to get down to 39kg by the middle of this year and I'll appreciate any tips and support. =)